Trev here. International Scrabble Champion. Professional Hand Model. Now, Mr Listmaker, mmm. Flight delays can really put a wet blanket on your parade. Which is why I spent the afternoon experimenting with time-passing techniques to spice up those dreary delays. The following suggestions yielded the most entertaining results:

1. Pretend you’re in a movie and you’re being hunted through the terminal by a sniper. Don’t move too fast, or too slow or you’ll stand out. Hide behind pillars and wagons selling curios. Make a safe base in one of the Spur booths and tell the waiters that they mustn’t talk to you as it’s ‘too dangerous’.

2. Buy a Dan Brown novel and seat yourself next to someone reading Heat magazine. Ask them why they’re ‘reading that trash’.

3. Pick up your handluggage and start cooing to it. Talk to it softly and bounce it in your arms. Tell your luggage that it’s going to ’see Daddy very very soon’.

4. When boarding, fake an asthma attack and tell the people in the queue you need to get help. Run to the front of the queue, and when you get there yell ‘first!’.

5. If you’re in the plane, get up to go to the bathroom. Locate the loudspeaker, and sing R Kelly’s ‘I believe I can fly’ until someone stops you.